On Relationship Advice

An excerpt from The #1 Question To Ask Before Getting Married

What to look for in a partner: I once interviewed a psychologist for a column, and I asked him readers’ questions about what to look for in a mate. Without fail, his answer to almost every question was “choose someone kind, choose someone kind.” It was like a broken record, and I was annoyed. But you know what? Being with somebody who is fundamentally kind — to children and waiters and dogs — means that at the end of the day, they will be kind to you.

Knowing when to cut your losses:
Studies show that women who feel doubt before their weddings wind up significantly less happy. My plea to anyone feeling doubt would be to think about the future you want, not the past. Some people think, “I’ve invested so much already, how could I turn back?” But if you look at the future with this person and feel a significant kernel of doubt, you have to listen to that.

When reading this blog post, these two particular pieces of advice stuck out to me. “Choose someone kind, choose someone kind.” While this seems logical, is it really realistic? Am I cynical to think that someone who is kind to children, waiters, dogs, can absolutely not be kind to you? And regarding when to cut your losses… does it work the same way if you think, “I haven’t invested enough time, I should continue and see what happens”? When is enough, enough in this instance? How do you prevent crossing that thin line between I haven’t invested enough time and I’ve invested so much already?

Double Fakeout

Ever since I broke out my vegetable spiraler, I’ve been kind of obsessed with zoodles. I’ve made it for lunch numerous times, all with red meat sauce. Buuuttt, I’m really not supposed to have tomato based sauces since, ya know, that acid reflux thing. I’d like to say I’m a “fuck it, I do what I want” kind of person, but in this case, heartburn is a real bitch and something I’d like to not experience frequently. So, of course I was super excited to find a healthy recipe on Instagram that would allow me to have my beloved zoodles without the burn!

2014-09-27 11.20.24 1
Creamy Chicken Zoodles

The sauce is just mashed avocado mixed with almond milk and pinch of salt and pepper. If you wanna kick things up a notch, add red pepper flakes and Sriracha (I put that shit on everything, screw Frank’s).

Banana Pancakes

In my almost 30 years of existence, I’ve only made pancakes twice. The first was for an ex, who I was trying to surprise with breakfast in bed. I forgot the occasion (valentine’s birthiversary or whatever), but it doesn’t matter because the pancakes were terrible. Just God awful. Needless to say, I didn’t exactly rush to try again.

As I browsed the internet for breakfast recipes last week, I came across a recipe for flourless pancakes. And the best part? Only 2 ingredients: eggs and a banana! Sold!

2014-09-21 02.01.04 1
My 2nd attempt…TADAAAAA!

Ok, so I did tweak the recipe a bit. I added powdered peanut butter and ground cinnamon into the “batter” and then opted to smear TJ Speculoos & Cocoa Swirl instead of light butter. Can’t make it too healthy, ya know?

Back To Basics

As a kid, I loved to read. I would sit and read on the library floor for hours and then go home and read some more. But as I got older, I made excuses not to read.

Piano (not really). Cheerleading practice. Friends. Movies. Parties. School (not really). Parties. Work. Parties. Gym.

Now I’ve come full circle. Reading has been a source of comfort and I can’t imagine my days without reading. I read before I go to bed, on weekend mornings while eating breakfast, and on breaks from studying. Maybe it’s because I live alone. Maybe it’s because I don’t have cable. Or maybe I’m getting back to basics and focusing on things that I truly love to do. I’ll take the latter.

A Motorcycle With No One On It

Dear Sugar,

I’m crushing in middle age. That’s pretty much it. I’m middle aged, married, and crushing on a friend. And it’s full blown, just like in high school, sweaty palms, distracted, giddy, the whole she-bang. So far it has gone no farther than flirting and I really, really know better. My question isn’t what should I do (I’m pretty clear I should behave), but what should I do with all this delightful but distressing energy?

Crushed

Dear Crushed,

Steer clear of the object of your crush and use that “delightful but distressing energy” to reinvest in what matters most to you—your marriage, it seems. Do something extra sweet for your spouse this week. Have sex tonight and make it hella hot and good. Go for a long walk or a lingering dinner together and lovingly discuss how you’re going to keep your love as well as your romance strong. You’re clear you don’t want to act on your crush, so trust that clarity and be grateful that you have it, sweet pea. My inbox is jammed with emails from people who are not so clear. They’re tortured by indecision and guilt and lust. They love X but want to fuck Z. It is the plight of almost every middle aged monogamous married person at one time or another. We all love X but want to fuck Z.

Z is so gleaming, so crystalline, so unlikely to bitch at you for neglecting to take out the recycling. Nobody has to haggle with Z. Z doesn’t wear a watch. Z is like a motorcycle with no one on it. Beautiful. Going nowhere.

Yours,
Sugar

– Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar

Well ain’t that the truth…