An Open Letter To Her

Dear Nancy Wong,
It’s been less than a month since I found out about you and Henry so the wound is still very much fresh. I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions that I can’t seem to get off of. Sad, mad, happy and back ’round again. I’ve spent many sleepless nights wondering how he could throw away 7 years as if it meant absolutely nothing. All for a 21 year old, someone 12 years younger. Someone who is still in school, who hasn’t even experienced the real world and all the responsibilities that come with it.

Was I not good enough?
What’s wrong with me?

Well, actually nothing. I’ve come to realize that it’s not me. It’s him. He wasn’t good enough for me and he knew it. It was too much of a burden for him to know that he would never meet my expectations. So he chose you because you had none.

Thank you. Thank you for showing me that I deserve better. Thank you for teaching me to love myself.

You are so young and naive, just like I was when I met him. In a few years, when he’s past 35, still without a career and living with his parents, I hope you think of me. I hope you realize sooner than I did what you’re worth.

-kc

Bang Bang

So many firsts today!

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First time at a shooting range
First time shooting a rifle
First time using real bullets

I’ve shot a revolver before, but it was with wax bullets and we were doing trick shots. That was my first time ever shooting a gun and I had no idea what I was doing. It was purely beginners luck that I was able to hit any targets at all! Like a card thrown in the air…

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Actually aiming and hitting targets today was much more gratifying. The sound of the bullet hitting the metal target was like music to my ears!

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Initially, I was hesitant to shoot because I was afraid of the recoil, but it wasn’t bad at all. I had to sit down and shoot though because I just didn’t have the strength or steadiness to shoot standing up. I’m so weak!

B’s been wanting to get a gun for quite some time and now I understand why. So much FUNSIES!

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I’m definitely looking forward to going back to shoot again. But geeez, such an expensive hobby…

Day 1

I usually make general New Year’s resolutions (i.e. lose weight and do well at work), but this year I have specific goals in mind:

1. Run RnR San Diego marathon and improve time – 4:30 or less
2. Take GMATs and start preparing application for Fall 2015 start
3. Learn to surf
4. Earn employee of the month award
5. Perfect 10 new recipes
6. Press up into pincha mayurasana and adho mukha vrkasana
7. Get some abs!
8. Have dinner with my parents at least once a month
9. Read one book per month
10. Travel to another country

On Changes

We can’t be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don’t have something better. -┬áC. JoyBell C.

The past year has been a time of change for me. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

I kicked off the year by continuing my pursuit of becoming fit and living a more healthy lifestyle. I achieved this through…

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endless tucking at Pure Barre

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my new-found obsession with inversions (and love for yoga)

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Getting back into shape wasn’t the biggest change of the year. It was moving down to San Diego for work.

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Despite the positives of living in San Diego, I’ve had a hard time adjusting. It’s been four months and I still don’t feel connected to my new home. Every chance I get, I go back to LA to see my friends, friends and Henry. There is nothing that keeps me in SD. Nothing. It could have been an easier transition if I had a friend here who had an established social circle that he/she could introduce me to. Or maybe if I lived in the same area as most of my coworkers.

Before I made the move, I thought I would love living alone. I envisioned Bruce Willis screaming out “Freedom” in Braveheart. Um, negatory. Living alone SUCKS, especially after living with someone for the past 7 years. Living alone doesn’t lessen responsibilities, it increases them tenfold.

Who is going to move a 100 lb box of furniture into the living room and build it? Me.
Who is lugging 10 bags of groceries from the car to the 3rd floor? Me.
Who is lugging trash from the 3rd floor to the garage? Me.
Who is doing all the household chores? Me.
Who is paying all the bills? Me.

And while this whole experience has been mostly a pain, I owed it to myself to live alone at least once in my life. I needed to understand what it was like to not rely on anyone, to do things myself and for myself. Because only then would I be able to truly appreciate cohabitation with Henry. It’s kind of like how you need to learn to love yourself before loving others :)

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Whistler 12/26/2013

Speaking of Henry, we got past the “seven year itch”. Barely. We were broken up for about a week after our seven year anniversary. Our relationship had been on cruise control for the past few years and as a result we got too comfortable. We mistook living with each other as spending quality time together. It’s not. We also mistook talking to each other because we lived together as communication. It’s not. So as painful as it was, having that short time apart was a good thing for us because we learned these important lessons.

As if making a big move, transitioning to a new job, and going through relationship issues weren’t enough to deal with, I had a health scare about a month ago. I found 3 enlarged nodes in my neck. After an ultrasound and 11 vials of blood (9 in one day!), my Dr. said that it’s likely not cancer or anything serious. I’ll continue to monitor the nodes and decide in a month or so whether I should go forward and get a biopsy… just in case.

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2013 has been rough, especially the last half of the year. So on this last day of 2013, I am happy to say, good riddance!

Hello, 2014!